justin bieber

casual style

 cool style

justin with justin usher

Keberatan Pajak

KEBERATAN PAJAK

 

Keberatan merupakan suatu cara yang dapat dilakukan oleh Wajib Pajak kepada Direktorat Jenderal Pajak apabila merasa kurang/tidak puas atas 

• suatu ketetapan pajak yang dikenakan kepadanya atau 
• atas pemotongan/pemungutan oleh pihak ketiga

Hal-hal yang Dapat Diajukan Keberatan

Wajib Pajak dapat mengajukan keberatan atas:
a. Surat Ketetapan Pajak Kurang Bayar (SKPKB);
b. Surat Ketetapan Pajak Kurang Bayar Tambahan (SKPKBT);
c. Surat Ketetapan Pajak Lebih Bayar (SKPLB);
d. Surat Ketetapan Pajak Nihil (SKPN);
e. Pemotongan atau Pemungutan oleh pihak ketiga.

Ketentuan Pengajuan Keberatan

 
Keberatan diajukan kepada Kepala Kantor Pelayanan Pajak (KPP) di tempat WP terdaftar, dengan syarat:
a.Diajukan secara tertulis dalam bahasa Indonesia ;
b.Wajib menyebutkan jumlah pajak yang terutang atau jumlah pajak yang dipotong atau dipungut atau jumlah rugi menurut penghitungan WP dan disertai alasan-alasan yang jelas;
c.Satu keberatan harus diajukan untuk satu jenis pajak dan satu tahun/masa pajak. Pengajuan keberatan tidak menunda kewajiban membayar pajak dan pelaksanaan penagihan pajak dan keberatan yang tidak memenuhi syarat, dianggap bukan Surat Keberatan, sehingga tidak diproses;
d.Dalam hal Wajib Pajak mengajukan keberatan atas surat ketetapan pajak, Wajib Pajak wajib melunasi pajak yang harus dibayar paling sedikit sejumlah yang disetujui Wajib Pajak dalam pembahasan akhir hasil pemeriksaan, sebelum surat keberatan disampaikan;
e. Surat keberatan di tandatangani sendiri oleh Wajib Pajak atau Pengurus dalam hal Wajib Pajak adalah badan hukum, jika dikuasakan wajib melampirkan Surat Kuasa Khusus, 

Jangka Waktu Pengajuan Keberatan

 
Wajib Pajak dapat mengajukan keberatan dalam jangka waktu tidak lebih dari 3 (tiga) bulan sejak tanggal SKPKB, SKPKBT, SKPLB, SKPN atau sejak tanggal dilakukan pemotongan/ pemungutan oleh pihak ketiga.

a. Surat Keberatan yang disampaikan langsung ke KPP, maka jangka waktu 3 (tiga) bulan dihitung sejak tanggal SKPKB, SKPKBT, SKPLB, SKPN atau sejak dilakukan pemotongan / pemungutan oleh pihak ketiga sampai saat keberatan diterima oleh Kantor Pelayanan Pajak.

b. Surat Keberatan yang disampaikan melalui pos (harus dengan pos tercatat), jangka waktu 3 (tiga) bulan dihitung sejak tanggal SKPKB, SKPKBT, SKPLB, SKPN atau sejak dilakukan pemotongan/pemungutan oleh pihak ketiga sampai dengan tanggal tanda bukti pengiriman melalui Kantor Pos dan Giro. 

Penyelesaian Keberatan 

 
Direktur Jenderal Pajak dalam jangka waktu paling lama 12 (dua belas) bulan sejak tanggal surat keberatan diterima, harus memberikan keputusan atas keberatan yang diajukan. Apabila dalam jangka waktu 12 (dua belas ) telah lewat dan Direktorat Jenderal Pajak tidak memberi suatu keputusan, maka keberatan yang diajukan tersebut dianggap diterima Keputusan keberatan dapat berupa menerima seluruhnya atau sebagian, menolak atau menambah besarnya jumlah pajak terhutang.


Dasar Hukum Keberatan Pajak :
Undang undang Ketentuan Umum dan Tata cara Perpajakan (KUP) UU No. 28 Tahun  2007 Pasal  25 tentang Keberatan dan Banding

wtf?

It might be because it's early and I'm poorly but I really don't have any idea what the fucks going on in this pic.

I do like it tho'.

Paris Hilton arrested in Las Vegas on the rights of possession of cocaine

Everyone knows that Paris Hilton is a cocaine addict, right? Well, now everyone knows. Paris Hilton was arrested last night for possession of cocaine. It was in Las Vegas, traveling in a car from a friend when the car was by the police in Las Vegas driven stopped. The police had warned that the car was a trail of smoke, "the name that people had the car speakers, I think it means.


Found in possession of cocaine agents in Paris. Here's more from the AP (via HuffPo ): Paris Hilton Police arrested and charged with possession of cocaine on Friday night, after leaving the car was in Las Vegas in Las Vegas, authorities said. socialite reserved in was Detention Center Clark County early Saturday load of cocaine, a spokesman for the police in Las Vegas, said Marcus Martin. He was released before dawn on their own recognition. 29 - years, Hilton has been in a car driven by a friend when was arrested at 23:30 MDT Friday after suspected marijuana officers found smoke coming from him, told the Associated Press.



I do not know how long it had taken place, nor any details about a possible date for the hearing. She said that the man was driving the vehicle on charges of driving has been arrested under the influence of drugs. He had no further details, including your name. not returned calls for comment Manager Hilton Saturday morning AP. His publicist, Dawn Miller, did not return an e-mail. The arrest came during a week when he was an attempted robbery at the home of the Hilton Los Angeles. The authorities say 31 years, Nathan Lee Parada a criminal charge Tuesday burlgary incident faces.



The authorities said that only one person with two large knives in the window of the Hilton. It published a photo of arrests on Twitter and was described as "terrible". Hilton was arrested this summer after the World Cup game between Brazil and the Netherlands in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, on charges of possession of marijuana. The case was deleted after hearing at midnight.

http://hotcelebrityhollywood.blogspot.com/

Hilton pleaded competition in 2007 for alcohol and dangerous driving was sentenced to 45 days in jail. After 23 days in jail, Paris Hilton said the United States TV host Larry King the experience caused him to reconsider the party's role in his life. He said he wanted "to help raise money for kids and for breast cancer and multiple sclerosis. Although best known for his tabloid exploits and reality TV" The Simple Life ", has appeared Hilton in the films" Bottoms Up " "The Hottie & the Night" and "House of Wax."
 ...................................................................................................

[From HuffPo] Yes, it was in Paris and released on charges of possession in South Africa. It was something incomplete in Corsica in July as well. We hope that This glue fees and Las Vegas can be any form of intervention Lindsay have Lohan-style? Probably not. In fact, as has the possession of cocaine is a crime to light? Chace Crawford, the book gets to him in a (UN informed- thrown) together, and in Paris the recognition of cocaine was free? WTF?.
...........................................................................................

Angelina Jolie was with Robert Pattinson, Twihard to work next crisis?

Oh, it will be good. After Deadline Hollywood (via LaineyGossip history), a new film, Angelina Jolie is making a movie called Unforgiven. What ... I hope to change the name because there already a movie called that with (and director) Clint Eastwood Angelina mentor. However, the film "A woman tries to society after serving a stretch of 15 years imprisonment for the murder of two police officers to reintegrate. The tragedy happened after the police arrived at his family farm on his expulsion.


His desire is to to live in silence and his younger sister's problems, but the wife used the word a campaign of revenge for the son of one of his victims. "play Guess who runs one of the children, perhaps? Robert Pattinson. Oooooh yes. Deadline Hollywood yesterday came a report that GK Films to develop a project for Angelina Jolie, on a mini-series for the BBC entitled Unforgiven 2009th This is a woman who, after fifteen years imprisonment for the murder of two policemen and tried again with her sister, the objective of a conspiracy hatched by the vengeance of the son of one of the men killed.



GK Angelina is already connected to their love story to produce the war in Bosnia, and Unforgiven has been on the characteristics Christopher McQuarrie, a writers' side of Angelina adapted for tourism. These people really long time. As Time notes, Angelina is not bound to it a script in hand, but that is assumed to be fast, so it may be possible that all systems are go for spring. This is not the fast lane is not willing to invest money. And yes, Of course, I bought it. I love Angelina, I think it's a good actress, and the sounds of the changing boundaries. And there's a twist. There is speculation in the wind, that Robert Pattinson has been used for this project (as the son of the revenge) recognized. He had a meeting late last year with Angelina lawyer, Robert Offer, and a festive dinner, even if his recent trip to the sea salt with your agent suddenly full of new possibilities. You know I love it too. Pattinson did not have a romantic role. You need something that has nothing to do with it, is beautiful and would work actively against their appeal. Fight Club as Brad Pitt went from Pretty Boy to Man Man, could violate the explosive changes in the role of Robert Pattinson. The Twihards Brangelunatics and support the film. Can you imagine?




[Sarah @] LaineyGossip If Pattinson said one nice thing about Angelina Jolie in the press could be started a lynch Twihards hormone and finishing Aniston. And then the tabloids have a great day for the F-cking. Kristen Stewart cries Angelina have my man! "Or:" Brad will fly to Angie Pattinson Aniston hair! O "meets the individual flashes and gerbils, I'm serious!" They know that the Empress has no Zahara. He will look down and say Pattinson. There is another way. However, I also agree that Pattinson would, by being served a supportive role of sand - and I think it would be good if he and Angelina have worked together. It is not the way anyway, in my opinion ..
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http://hotcelebrityhollywood.blogspot.com/

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Al Sharpton: Glenn Beck Rally Distorts King's Dream

WASHINGTON — On the eve of conservative commentator Glenn Beck's rally at the Lincoln Memorial, a blogger's assertion that parts of the nation's capital should be avoided touched off accusations of racism and a sharp response by angry city leaders.

Thousands of tea party supporters were expected at the demonstration Saturday that Beck has called a "Restoring Honor" rally to show support of the country's military at the site where Martin Luther King delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech 47 years ago to the day.

The location and timing prompted civil rights leaders to cry foul.

"They have a right to rally. But what they don't have the right do is distort what Dr. King's dream was about," the Rev. Al Sharpton declared Friday. He called the tea party assembly an anti-government action and has organized a counter rally also near the site of King's historic speech.

With emotions already high, the work of a largely unknown tea party blogger, Bruce Majors, brought them to a fever pitch on Friday.

The blog, which first appeared last Monday and has been widely viewed and distributed since then, warned conservative protesters visiting the nation's capital to avoid certain subway lines, suggesting they are unsafe, that certain neighborhoods should be avoided, that the city is populated by the world's refugees – that taxi drivers are often Arab or African – and that generally visitors should be wary.

And it inspired a satirical map of Washington with all of the city marked unsafe, except for the tiny sliver of the National Mall, home to the Lincoln Memorial. Some people mistakenly assumed the map was put out by Beck rally supporters.

City leaders didn't see the humor.

"Frankly, we need to put an end to that venom," said Vincent Gray, a member of the District of Columbia Council and a candidate for mayor, at a news conference Friday. "This is a city of 600,000 people – people who enjoy living here, people who pay their taxes." He urged tea party activists to ride the subway and visit the city's neighborhoods."People from all over the world work, live, visit and explore this city safely every day," added Elliott Ferguson, president of the tourism bureau Destination D.C.Organizers of the Beck rally declined to comment on the blog post.Majors said he offered his post as a "visitors guide" to people planning to attend the Beck rally. In an interview Friday, Majors said he was thinking of his mother and people like her who don't live in cities when he wrote the post. He never expected it to draw much attention.The posting offered hints on cheap eats, free wireless Internet spots – and the home addresses of Democratic political leaders, with the note "Feel free to protest!" And he urged visitors to avoid certain subway lines and stay in more affluent parts of the city.A real estate agent who has lived in Washington since 1980, Majors said it was not intended as racist.In fact, some of the neighborhoods that Majors suggested as dangerous – areas targeted by race riots more than 40 years ago – have undergone a revitalization and today sport new stores, restaurants, a diversity of residents and a thriving nightlife.Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson said on MSNBC this week that the blog post was fear-mongering."This is obviously scaring white people," Robinson said. "What they have done is essentially try to put off-limits any parts of the city where these main tea partiers believe you might be able to encounter, dare I say, black people."Sharpton described the demonstration planned for Saturday by Beck and his supporters as an anti-government rally advocating states' rights. And he said that goes against the message in King's famous "I Have a Dream" speech, in which the civil rights leader appealed to the federal government to ensure equality.Beck and other organizers say the aim is to pay tribute to America's military personnel and others "who embody our nation's founding principles of integrity, truth and honor." The broadcaster toured the site Friday as supporters cheered

 See Also :

Beck's Restoring Honor Rally: Thousands Expected To Attend, Civil Rights Leaders Protest Event

restoring honor rally

restoring honor rally

Beck's Restoring Honor Rally: Thousands Expected To Attend, Civil Rights Leaders Protest Event

 

WASHINGTON — Tens of thousands of people heeded broadcaster Glenn Beck's summons for his "Restoring Honor" rally Saturday from the same marble steps at the Lincoln Memorial where Martin Luther King Jr.'s gave his famous "I Have a Dream" speech 47 years ago to the day.

Civil rights leaders protested the event – organizers have a permit for a crowd up to 300,000, though the Fox News commentator and conservative favorite said he expects 100,000 – and scheduled a 3-mile plus march from a high school to the site of a planned King memorial near the Tidal Basin and the Jefferson Memorial.

Beck insisted it was a coincidence that his gathering, where potential 2012 presidential candidate Sarah Palin was to speak, overlapped with the King speech anniversary of King's speech. Organizers said their aim was to honor military personnel and others "who embody our nation's founding principles of integrity, truth and honor."

The Rev. Al Sharpton, leading the civil rights march, said Beck's demonstration was an anti-government rally that advocated states' rights – counter to the message in King's speech, in which the civil right leader appealed to the federal government to ensure equality.

"The structural breakdown of a strong national government, which is what they're calling for, is something that does not serve the interests of the nation and it's something that Dr. King and others fought against," Sharpton told C-SPAN on Saturday.

People began filling up the space between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument, many waving American flags. The Washington-area subway system reported delays dues to crowding at some stations.

Beck has given voice to those angry and frustrated with President Barack Obama and other Democrats this election year, especially members of the tea party movement.

A conservative blogger's assertion that parts of the capital should be avoided as unsafe, created an uproar on the blogosphere, drawing accusations of racism and a sharp response by angry city leaders.

Biro Jasa Pajak

BIRO JASA PERPAJAKAN

Kami adalah Team yang bergerak di bidang usaha Jasa Perpajakan Indonesia, berpengalaman sejak tahun 1996 sd sekarang 

adapun lingkup yang kami kerjakan adalah :

1. Pendaftaran NPWP ( Rp. 50.000,- ) atau NPPKP;
2. Pengurusan Penghitungan , Pengisian , Penyetoran, dan Pelaporan  SPT Masa / Bulanan maupun SPT Tahunan, untuk Biaya SPT Masa adalah Rp. 15.000/Bulan dan SPT Tahunan Rp. 150.000,- ;
3. Pembuatan Laporan Keuangan pendukung SPT;
4. Pemeriksaan Pajak;
5. Keberatan Pajak;
6. Banding;
7. Peninjauan Kembali;
8. Restitusi Pajak;
9. Tunggakan / Tagihan Pajak;
10. Tegoran Pajak, Tagihan Pajak, Surat Paksa, Penyitaan Pajak, Lelang Pajak;
11. dll

Untuk Info : Telp / SMS 

• 0857-1716-7776

       (Bpk. Indra)

Khusus Tangerang dan sekitarnya ........

utk laporan SPT MASA pajak dikenakan biaya Rp.15.000/bulan kondisi laporan pajak nihil... ,





Aturan terkait :

1 Norma Penghitungan Penghasilan Neto terbaru

2 Penghasilan Tidak Kena Pajak Terbaru

3 Biro Jasa Pajak

4 Biaya Jabatan 2010

5 Pedoman Teknis Tata Cara Pemotongan PPh Pasal 21 terbaru 

6 Tarif PPh terbaru

when cosplay goes bad part 17.

And here's a special report from the Glasgow Collectormania.....Enjoy!

Tho' I must admit that the Sonic is quite possibly the most erotic thing I have ever seen.

Wrong?

Maybe....but soooo right!

Celebrity Cruises for All-Inclusive Vacations

Why Take a Cruise Vacation? Well, with all the cruise lines available, all the cruise destinations,and the range of prices, there exists a cruise to please even the most jaded traveller.

If you think about it, it's an extremely cost-effective and time-efficient way to take a holiday. Consider all the time you'd spend driving yourself to several different destinations, packing and unpacking at each hotel, and searching for restaurants and other services. On a cruise you don't drive anywhere for seven, ten, fourteen days or even even more. Even if you were on a bus tour with no driving yourself, you haul your luggage or at least one package and unpack it at every new stop. On a cruise, you check your luggage when you check in and it magically appears in your cabin, stateroom, or even suite. You're at home for the duration of the cruise. And the food! Every ship has several restuarants staffed by world-class chefs, and the cost of the food is included as part of the cruise. At each port, guided tours are available so you won't miss any local attractions. Supervised activities such as snorkeling are available to keep the children occupied. And at the end of your holidy staff will pick up your luggage and place it on shore at the intended pick-up point. Taking a cruise vacation frees you from so many of the hassles of traveling, and leaves you with more time to relax and enjoy your destination.

Celebrity Cruise Lines offer some of the best deals in the business. Conde Nast Traveler consistently rates
Celebrity Cruises as one of the world's best cruise lines. Services include informative lectures about your location, upscale boutiques, and Las Vegas style entertainment created for Celebrity by Cirque du Soleil.
Try your luck in the Casino or collect fine art during an onboad auction. The nightlife spectacular at The Bar At The Edge of the Earth.

There's a whole world of pampering waiting for you at the world-famous Aqua-Spa by Elemis. Try a deluxe manicure, a luxurious facial or a relaxing massage. There is even acupuncture by a licensed acupuncturist and Chinese medicine as well. You'll feel renewed and invigorated.

Children feel right at home on a Celebrity Cruise. The Celebrity X-Club Youth Program has age-specific activities and entertainment for every child. Science and nature exploration, talent shows, treasure hunts, children's dinner parties, slumber parties and more are all arranged by professional staff. Special areas of the ship are set aside for children only, such as the Shipmates Fun Factory, teen center and pools. When the ship is docked, adults have the option of going on tours by themselves while the children are supervised onboard. What could be more enjoyable or safer?

Age or disability are no impediment to cruising. Ships are designed for mobility-impaired passengers, and staff is always ready to assist. Celebrity accommodates those who need dialysis or oxygen, and other medical services can be arranged if requested beforehand. Emergency care is always available on board, saving you the trouble of finding a doctor who speaks your language in a foreign country.

Dinner is a vital event in itself on a cruise ship, a tradition dating back to the late 1800's when cruises were for royalty and the wealthy who expected elegant formal dinners. Again, in today's lifestyle the elegant dinner is optional, and for those who like to dine casually, food is available around the clock . However, for those who like a ritzy event where they can show off their best attire and jewelry, there are optional formal dinners where ladies wear long formal gowns or evening dresses and gentlemen have on tuxedos.

Did I forget to mention the cruise destination itself? Celebrity Cruises dock at a different port of call every day or two, depending upon distances and sailing time between points of interest. You can stay aboard the ship all day or disembark. You are free to explore every destination on your itinerary as long as you return to the ship before departure time.

For a small additional fee, Celebrity offers adventures geared toward the unique features of each destination. As an example, Caribbean cruises offer snorkeling, diving or beach excursions while Alaskan cruises offer helicopter tours or sea kayak trips. For the less adventuresome, commonly there are bus tours or even supervised shopping excursions in the local port. Every single thing, including meals, is prearranged. All you have to do is find the correct line onshore and an experienced guide handles the rest of your tour.

mental maggots.

After weeks of drawing buxom vampires and studly samurai's it's time to relax with a good movie.

Or a couple of shit ones.

I'm still stuck in a classic (well I say classic) sci-fright phase at the moment but fancied something a wee bit different to the norm.

Maybe even a bit of large rubber maggot on girl action.

Well, that must mean it's time to take a trip to the...

Galaxy of Terror (AKA Mindwarp: An Infinity of Terrors, Planet of Horrors. 1981)
Dir: Bruce D. Clark.
Cast: Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Taaffe O'Connell, Robert Englund, Ray Walston, Bernard Behrens, Zalman King, Grace Zabriskie and hissing Sid Haig.

"I live and die by the crystals".

Across the vastness of deep space lies the desolate, storm-lashed (and somewhat soundstage like) planet Morganthus, where the sole survivor of an offscreen (and therefore cheap) crashed spaceship is fighting a losing battle against an unseen (and therefore very cheap) alien force and the worst home haircut this side of Dario Argento.

No surprises when I tell you that the haircut wins.

Back at space headquarters (alright then, the portacabin round the back) the jolly crew of the good ship Quest are ordered to mount a rescue mission at the behest of the mysterious 'Planet Master', a strange old man in a second hand suit with a red lightbulb for a head who appears to spend his day playing a table-top version of Pong.

Welcome to the future, eighties style.

Leading the mission is the Planet Master's bezzie mate, the piss-stained and gin soaked soon to be retired Bobby Ilvar (Behrens, the voice of Obi Wan Kenobi in the Star Wars radio series) who, alongside his mismatched team that includes bewigged mentalist Captain Trantor (Twin Peaks hottie Zabriskie), the scarred lone survivor of a previous secret mission; the Tom Selleck alike Cabren (Albert from Power Rangers: Time Force) and the bottle rocket, wooden legged second-in-command Billy Baelon (soft core porn master and former Jesus, King), are charged with locating any survivors as well as looking for some vague and secret stuff whilst they're at it.

I tried not to think too much about the plot seeing as no-one involved seemed to be bothered.

"I can see your house from here Peter".

Also aboard is Cabren's ex squeeze, the harsh-faced psi-sensitive (whatever that means) Alluma (Happy Days' Joanie Cunningham, Moran, who's frankly seen better days - and much better gear before now), chief cook and bottle washer Melvin Kore (My Favourite Martian Walston), and the pube bearded, mightily manbreasted hardman Hilary Quuhod (genre stalwart Haig), master of the deadly Perspex boomerangs.

There are a few other folk aboard too but frankly it'd be easier all round if you just imagine a couple of pieces of hardboard decked out in sub standard bri-nylon (and nipple revealing) Battlestar Galactica uniforms.

Oh, and Freddy Krueger in a ginger Abraham Lincoln beard.

Engaging warp drive (which is just off Stella Street) The Quest soon arrives at it's destination and the crew begin their search for any survivors.

And the ships supply of chocolate biscuits.

And quite possibly any evidence of an original idea.

Unfortunately they find nothing but a load of leftover sets from Battle Beyond The Stars strewn with litter and a few shop window dummies smeared with jam and hanging from the roof.

Baelon, angered by such a waste of yummy toast topping goodness decides to set fire to everything around him whilst the rest of the crew (including the jittery Johnny Deadsoon) split up and have a wee scout around.

But obviously not in a John Wayne Gacy way.

Bored with burning stuff and annoyed by Alluma's constant whining about 'dark energies' Baelon orders everyone back to The Quest for tea and toast, a decision that cheers everyone up except poor Deadsoon, who has to stay behind to find his hat that he's dropped.

Suffice to say that within seconds of the others leaving he's killed by what looks like a big rubber testicle that jumps on his back and squeezes his head till it pops.

"And when I'm anally violated I pull THIS face!"

Realising one of their number is missing the crew head back across the studio rubbish tip (sorry, alien landscape) to look for him, giving the frighteningly pneumatic Dameia (O'Connell from Caged Fury) an excuse to tell everyone how much she hates maggots and how she'd be loathed to have one swim up her (ample) arse.

Reader take note, this may be important later.

Back on board The Quest everyone sits down for a quick Pot Noodle whilst Dameia and general dogsbody Powell Ranger (Englund with shit facial hair and some ginger pubes glued to his head) perform a fairly shoddy autopsy on their fallen comrade and the body of some bloke they found in a cupboard.

Their findings?

Both men were killed by terror.

A probable galaxy full of it.

A Galaxy (minus the terror) yesterday.

After pudding and a glass of milk our motley band decide to have a better look around the planet, starting with a huge pyramid-like structure they singularly failed to notice earlier (well it was a wee bit foggy) and Ilvar feeling a bit left out splits everyone (with the exception of Trantor who's frankly barking and chef who's busy cooking brine for supper) into two teams, their mission: discover stuff.

To make it more exciting Ilvar offers first group to reach the summit the chance of winning a teddy bear.

Buffeted by the harsh winds and spooked by the scary synth sounds Ilvar, Dameia and Cabren are first to clamber up the structure (the others have stopped for a picnic at the bottom), discovering a series of slightly sexual looking holes jutting from the pyramids sides, poor Ilvar, stuck between a moustachioed stud and a strip queen, decides to exert his manliness by abseiling down one of these mysterious openings for a quick poke around.

Unfortunately it's him that gets a poking from a gaggle of rubbery (why thank you!) blood sucking tentacles.

"Laugh now!"

Shrugging their shoulders in a fairly apathetic manner before moving on, Dameia and Cabren have soon met up with a still angry Baelon, a still whiny Alluma and always manboobed Quuhod at the pyramids summit where they find a set of giant plasticine doors that lead deep into the structures bowels.

Leaving Quuhod on guard at the entrance (frankly the stench of all that testosterone and sour man milk must be getting to them by now) the rest of the gang head down toward their destiny.

Which in Erin Moran's case is a lifetime of appearances at a number of supermarket openings, conventions and rehab centres.

Your mums cum face. Trust me, I know.

Back aboard the Quest Ranger is having a severe case of the sweats and Kore skulks around the kitchen in a mysterious manner whilst Captain Trantor sits in the ships gun turret, dribbling down her jumper and playing space invaders, swearing like a pikey on heat.

No change there then.

Bored shitless to a point where he's cleaning his nails with the sacred boomerangs, Quuhod is surprised by a scary "BOO!" noise behind him, causing the poor sod to accidentally chop off his arm.

If that wasn't enough the severed arm takes on a life of its own and proceeds to stab it's previous owner to death with his own weapon.

Which is nice.

Hearing the commotion and upset that her breasts are too large to enable her to squeeze any further into the pyramid, Dameia rushes to Quuhod's aid only to stumble over his by now maggot riddle corpse lying in a pool of blood and piss.

Hang on, did someone say maggots?

"Put it in me!"

As Dameia tiptoes around her dead comrades corpse she (remarkably) fails to notice that one of the maggots has started growing to giant size behind her, only realising that somethings wrong when the beast flops down on top of her like a big inflatable penis and begins to tear her clothes off whilst thrusting and grunting the way that normal maggots don't.

What your girlfriend was up to on
that girls night out last week.

Vainly trying to escape by wriggling her slimy arse and rubbing her gloop covered breasts, Dameia is soon overpowered by the horny horror, breathing her last as the beast pumps her full of it's manky maggot muck.

At this point I have to say that as a twelve year old I was under the impression that this was quite possibly the greatest scene ever committed to celluloid but as I got older and more aware of political correctness and the evils of sexism I began to realise that this wasn't the case.

It's far too short for one thing.

And it's way too dark.

(stringy) shite in mah mooth!

This sex based slaying is only the beginning of the horror tho', as within minutes Trantor has accidentally set fire to her face, the cook has gone AWOL, bow-legged Baelon has been bummed by the bin men and poor old Alluma has been squeezed to death by some rampant, slime covered Hoover attachments leaving a by now shot to fuck Ranger and a fairly concerned Cabren the only survivors.

As the perky pair approach the pyramids inner sanctum, they begin to realise that their might be more to the mysterious planet Morganthus than meets the eye and leaves them wondering....

Where the fuck is the chef?

From the minds of writer/director Bruce Clark, little known designer James Cameron and the genius that is Lord Roger of Corman, Galaxy Of Terror maybe a cheap and nasty knock off with more aliases than a serial adulterer and be more likely to give you crabs than a sleepless night but it's still capable of entertaining you along the way.

Just like your mum in fact.

You can imagine the whole thing being greenlit on the strength of the poster alone and when Clark turned round to Corman and said "Then this huge maggot shags a naked bird to death"
you just know it was a done deal.

But then any movie that features aliens, sex, gore and a former member of the Happy Days cast being squeezed to death by household appliances painted green should automatically be pushed thru' for immediate production, imagine how much better the world would be if this were the case.

As an added bonus it's great to sit back and enjoy self proclaimed "King of The World" James Cameron doing what he does best, that is operating a giant rape maggot as opposed to forcing badly plotted overlong remakes of Ferngully on us.

The scenes final moments when the huge quivering beast grunts and thrust one final time over O'Connell's prone form is at once incredibly arousing and mildly disturbing, you can imagine Cameron, teeth gritted and with a semi in his shorts sweating and cursing as he becomes one with the monster costume, imagining himself fucking every last dollar out of the worldwide cinema audience.

Or is that just me?

O'Connell: you would.

As you can probably tell, I secretly love Galaxy Of Terror in the same way as you always have a soft spot for that plump, middle aged housewife you got in touch with via those sleazy 'contact' magazines you purchased as a bet when you were fourteen.

You remember, the one from Edgebaston that made you a man then gave you tea,d biscuits and a cuddle whilst telling you about her disabled husband?

Galaxy Of Terror, scarier than your dad, sleazier than your little sister and a damn sight more fun drunk than both of them.

You need this.

malko in the middle (east).

Welcome to the world of Austrian prince and part-time CIA agent Malko Linge, creation of the infamous French writer, journalist, editor and outspoken (far) right wing loon Gérard de Villiers.

With their title taken from the French equivalent of His Royal Highness (Son Altesse Sérénissime) (SAS) is the French version of HRH; the novels (of which over 171 have been published) have also hit the big screen with 'B' movie God Miles O'Keefe taking on the role of Malko in the 1983 movie S.A.S. à San Salvador and then with cheeky chappie Richard Young (the fedora man from Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade) in 1989's Eye of the Widow.

Both are shite.

But we're not here to discuss the merits of a series of shoddily written right wing macho wank fantasy novels that are only available from airports and railway stations (seriously), only to gaze in awe at some of the fantastic gun toting totty featured on the books covers.

Like you expected anything else?