how do you solve a problem like maria?

Still beavering away with work stuff (currently designing a rotting pirate corpse chained up in a brig that wont scare kids - go figure) but thought I'd share a quick one with you.

Enjoy!

I Love Maria (AKA Roboforce, 1988)
Dir: David Chung
Cast: John Shum, Tsui Hark, Sally Yeh, Tony Leung and Lam Ching-Ying.

Yup, it's Robocop.
With breasts.

The misleadingly monikered and 80's styled Hero Gang is is conducting an unstoppable reign of terror against Hong Kong's banking sector with the aid of a seemingly unstoppable robot named Pioneer I.

Beleaguered copper Curly (the frighteningly Danny Baker-esque Shum) who, unluckily has just been accused of taking backhanders and former gang member Whiskey Joe (groovy goateed cult director Tsui Hark) who (by a strange coincidence) has also been accused of betrayal, in his case by his former gang pals.

Reckoning the chances of them both being in the same predicament at the same time so astronomical as to be a quirk of fate, the mis-matched duo decide it'd be a laugh to team up and 'bring down' (as they say) the gang themselves.

"Can you beat the Daz doorstep challenge waaaahhhh?"

Within what seems like minutes of forming this impressive plan of action they are viciously attacked by the originally named (and stunningly chrome breasted) Pioneer II – a sexy fembot designed to look like foxy gang boss Maria (Yeh, the one in The Killer that's not Chow Yun Fat), albeit if she spent all day parading about in a chrome bra, her plasti-steel buttocks gently bouncing from side to side as she walked, but I digress.

Turns out her 'lover' and notorious crime lord (Lam) reckoned it would be a good idea to build an ageless, super strong version of her to keep him company in his old age.

Fair enough.


Curly and Joe, armed only with frighteningly bad hair and teeth and a big box of Daz join forces with ace reporter TQ Zhuang (Hong Kong's very own David Tennant, Leung looking about six in this) in an amusing attempt to capture and reprogram the Pioneer II (because capturing and altering the program of a sentient machine with chrome globes is dead easy to do, obviously).

"Help mah Boab! it's the sighbaaahmon!"

But guess what? Yup they do indeed succeed in their mission (oh ye of little faith) and Pioneer II is ready to accept their bidding.

Now is it just me or if you had a sexy robot girl that obeyed your every command, would the first thing you'd do to road test it really be to attacked the bad men's base?

Oh, just me then.
The scene is set for a power-packed final showdown between the Hero Gang, Pioneer I, a martial arts expert (Ching-Ying) who is desperate to join the good guys (there's always one isn't there?), robot Maria (all spruced and shiny), the real Maria, a dwarf clown, our heroes and the evil crime boss.

Phew!

Or with shit(ter) special effects.

David Chung's lo-fi romp is a fairly harmless way to spend an hour and a half, in parts funny and exciting but with the added bonus of the constantly frowning (and strangely attractive in a maths teacher-ish kinda way) Sally Yeh in, not only in shiny chrome but also at some points with her breasts encased in a tough black rubber bra thing.

Hong Kong's very own (tho' slightly less dead eyed) Sam Raimi, the god-like Tsui Hark, shows his on screen talent for comedy matches his obvious behind the scenes skills and alongside chubby funster John Shum make one of the best comedy double acts since Myers and Loomis in the original Halloween.

Beats the rampant rabbit I guess.

Hard to find but well worth it if you're a fan of action based chic flik comedies with added big robots.

And at the end of the day who isn't?

Can I just add that I lied about the dwarf.

Sorry.