sex and violins.

Pop music, the fashion, killings and a helluva lot of permed hair today.

Who says this blog isn't down with 'the kids'?

Paganini Horror (AKA The Killing Violin, 1989).
Dir: Luigi Cozzi.
Cast: Jasmine Main, Maria Cristina Mastrangeli, Pascal Persiano, Donald Pleasence, Pietro Genuardi, Giada Cozzi, Elena Pompei and Dame Daria of Nicolodi.

Somewhere on one of the many canals in Venice (or it might be the dirty old stream behind the producers house, who knows) a fright haired, scarily Victorian styled child (the directors daughter, Giada Cozzi) is heading home aboard a row boat cum taxi after a hard day of violin lessons and working part-time as a Railway Children lookie-likey.

Arriving at her palatial abode she happily bolts upstairs to see her mum (who is currently having a soak in what can only be described as a cheap Parisian brothel themed bathroom), stopping only to grab what looks like a glam rock Skeletor doll from her bedroom before skipping into the aforementioned bathroom (it must have cost a bomb to decorate so they have to get their moneys worth) and chucking a hair-dryer into the bath.

Ouch.

Frighteningly I can imagine one of our beautiful twin girlies doing exactly this but I'm not saying which one.

Embeth.

"Jam in mah tombstone toothed mooth!"

Jumping forward God knows how many years (around seventy odd by the state of the wee girl and her mum I'd wager) and top poodle haired popstrel Kate (Main AKA Jasmine Maimone, the harsh faced star of Demoni and The Black Cat) and her 'rawk' band are busy recording a new single whilst not wearing trousers (less Jem and The Holograms more Jim and The Whorishgrans) and whilst these crazy chicks (and studly drummer Daniel) seem to be enjoying murdering what sounds like a Karaoke cover of You Give Love A Bad Name their monkey browed manager Lavinia (star of the Italian hit Breakdance, Mastrangeli) however is suitably unimpressed.

Basically she thinks it's shit.

Which, if I'm honest it is.

She reckons that to become the top of the pops the band needs something new, something unexpected and maybe a wee bit dangerous and Daniel (Persiano from Demoni 2 and Voices from Beyond) thinks he may have just the thing.

Less Donald where's yer troosers
more Donald where's yer dignity.

Taking a boat to a deserted industrial estate and armed only with a ladies satchel full of dollar bills and a nipple revealing silk shirt he meets up with the mysterious and suavely hatted Mr. Ralph Pickett (Pleasence, one step closer to death and Fatal Frames, poor sod).

Swapping the money for a (fake) leather briefcase (just like the one your geography teacher had) with the spooky lock combination of 666. Daniel excitedly opens the case, revealing a hither to unseen piece of music written by 19th century Italian violinist, violist, guitarist, composer and owner of the most luxurious sideburns in Christendom , Mr. Niccolò Paganini.

"Baby baby baby!"

Time for a wee history lesson methinks.

Paganini, as we all know got into a bit of bother whilst lying on his deathbed, as he was convinced that he just had a mild dose of the Flu, so decided not to bother his local priest with regards to giving him his last rights.

Which would have been OK had he not popped his clogs within minutes of this decision.

In true News of The World fashion, the gossip columnists of the time took this as a sign that the poor guy had sold his soul to Satan.

This is of course total bollocks.

But when has fact ever gotten in the way of a good story?

Embeth after coming second in the official
'Rabid' re-enactment society fancy dress.

Well, it seems this particular piece of music was written specifically for Old Nick himself and is said to have unearthly, nay evil powers tho' Lavinia is more concerned about any copyright/royalty issues.

Daniel puts everyone at ease by Tippexing out Paganini's name and putting his own on there instead (in joined up writing and everything) meaning Kate and co. are free to pick some spooky outfits to wear on stage whilst Lavinia is so impressed that she even hires world famous horror film director (and star of 'V') Mark Singer (Genuardi from Cemetery Man and Gates of Hell) to shoot a 'music clip' for it at Paganini's old villa, which is now owned by the strangely attractive - in a senior librarian kinda way - Sylvia (Uber MiLF and firsat horror based Barclay's for men of a certain age Nicolodi, who needs no introduction), who is more than happy to welcome a band of talentless half naked, no talent sluts into her home for a few days (oh and for a shed load of cash obviously).

"Laugh now!"

Anyway, we've yet to hear the group play this great song (now entitled Paganini Horror) so let's cut to Kate wandering around the mansion in a white wedding dress like some clap ridden council estate Madonna wannabe whilst Daniel (decked out in a frill fronted shirt and velvet suit that not even Jon Pertwee would be seen dead in topped of with a huge felt fedora, a gold painted poppy eyed skeleton mask and brandishing a gold violin) as Paginini chases her about for a bit before stabbing her in the stomach.

Director boy Mark can hardly contain himself as he shouts "Cut!" whilst Lavinia jumps up and down on the spot like a gin soaked chimp, rubbing her hands together with glee at the thought of all that lovely money she's going to make.

Sylvia on the other hand just stands in the corner holding a tray of tea and biscuits looking incredibly saucy in a mumsy kinda way, tapping her feet and nodding her head in time to the music.

Bless.

"Boiled onions!"

Obviously needing to pad the movies meagre running time Kate and her pals perform the song again, only this time wearing boob tubes, braces, tiny black skirts and a selection of cocktail waitress outfits (yes even Daniel), luckily Kate's insistence on staring straight into camera, all wild eyed and puckered lipped helps stop the men watching from having any impure thoughts of any kind.

Which is one up to the feminists watching methinks.


Anyway all this sexiness is way too much for foxy, firm of tummy bassist Rita (Ravegnini; imagine a youngish, cheaper Joan Collins stinking of gin and holding her shoes at a bus stop and you're halfway there) who, throwing continuity to the wind decides to change out of her electric blue bunny girl outfit into something a wee bit more sensible for the final scenes of the video.

However unknown to her the real demonic violinist (wearing an exact copy of Daniels frankly shoddy Paganini outfit) is hiding behind the coat rail in her dressing room.

"And when I have a stroke I pull this face!"

Thinking it's Daniel up for a bit of a laugh, Rita light heartedly tells him to stop looking at her (fairly firm) breasts and get back to work, totally missing the fact that the violin he's holding has a huge blade attached to its bottom that's pointing straight at her toned flat stomach.

With one graceful move our golden pal plunges the blade into poor old Rita ending any dreams she had of playing bass in a Robert Palmer video (or getting paid) in an instant.

Uncomfortably shuffling and attempting to make small talk whilst waiting for Rita to return, Lavinia makes an incredible leap of logic and deduces that she has, in fact fucked off home after tiring of the whole rock 'n' roll lifestyle and orders Mark to replace he with a shop window dummy in a joke shop wig with a guitar round it's neck.

"No-one will notice" she says.

And on that bombshell Daniel excuses himself and heads off to the toilet where he comes across Rita, resplendent in a soaking, nipple revealing tissue paper dress with wild frizzy hair, lurching around like a (very attractive I'll admit) piss stained tramp.

Holding in his wee, Daniel decides to follow her thru' the cobwebbed corridors at the back of the house and into a small (and unfortunately empty) wine cellar where he's promptly stabbed to death by the violently vicious violinist.

Jade Goody: The Return.

Trapped in the mansion and with a killer on the loose, Kate, Lavinia, Mark and Sylvia can only pray that they'll survive till morning (or at least till Sylvia remembers where she's put the front door key).

Or is there more to the killings than meet the eye?

"Shite in mah mooth!"

From the mind of Italy's third (or is that fourth?) best director named Luigi comes this fantastic tale of music and mentalism topped off with an arse clenchingly bad Eurotrash score, the kind of none acting usually reserved for prison productions of Chaucer and enough cheese to keep Domino's Pizza in business till the end of time.

Yes dear reader, the film is really that good.

Famous for directing (and writing) some of Italy's shoddiest yet most enjoyable movies (oh, and Demons 6), including such classics as the Caroline Munro sci-fi epic Starcrash, the alien egg based thriller Contamination, the Italian re-edit of Toho's Godzilla (or Cozilla as it's widely known) and a couple of Lou (Hulk) Ferrigno Hercules adventures, Paganini Horror is the last movie (to date) that this great man has directed.

But if you want to finish your career on a high then you could do much worse than this.

Like all of Cozzi's work the plot may be nonsensical and the production values cheaper than your mum but it doesn't matter as his genuine love for the horror genre oozes like the movies bright red fake blood thru' every frame and the enthusiasm he has for the material infects the actors much like a zombie outbreak.

Everyone involved seems to be having a great time and the audience can't help but be swept along for the ride.

And surely that's what good cinema is all about?

"Put it in me!"

Speaking of the cast, Donald Pleasence seems to be having a ball (probably not a leathery one) in his cameo as the sinister Mr. Pickett, all twinkly eyes and dodgy accents whilst the goddess that is Daria Nicolodi is at once sinister, sexy and motherly in a role that would fade into obscurity had it been played by a lesser actress, she even manages to look good in an outfit that even Lady GaGa wouldm't be seen dead in.

The woman is a legend and should be worshipped frankly.

Even the worst members of the cast are great; Jasmine Main's manic eyed performance seems to consist mainly of teeth, a bubble perm and the ability to screech whilst not looking good in a skimpy outfit (which must take real talent judging by the outfits) but it's pitch perfect for a film where everyone else appears to be just wandering around in a badly dubbed haze of harsh red and blue lighting waiting to be offed by what looks like a giant child's home made puppet monstrosity made flesh.

Which is no bad thing.

Some cinema somewhere should be brave enough to organise a Cozzi weekender so that the great man's work can be foisted on an unsuspecting public brainwashed by crap commercial horror fare and lowest common denominator action pants.

The fuckers wouldn't know what hit them.

The campaign begins here people.

Let the world's first Cozzi-Con become a reality.

Which Stars Sell Fashion?

As Oscars Approach, Designers Vie to Dress Celebrities Who Will Inspire Viewers to Shop; When Star Power Won't Translate Into Sales

With the Academy Award nominations out this week, fashion designers are already jockeying to dress the stars for their big night. But rather than trying to pick the Oscar winners or the most fashionable celebrities, designers should be asking another question: Who will be the most effective at getting viewers to buy the clothes they see on the red carpet?
Red Carpet Best Sellers

Actress Jessica Alba has the highest click-throughs to apparel sales, according to StyleSpot.com.

Among this year's nominees, the "best seller" award is likely to go to a nominee whom few in the fashion world are discussing: Sandra Bullock. At StyleSpot.com, a Los Angeles-based Web site that links red-carpet photos to stores that sell the looks, Ms. Bullock's Vivienne Westwood dress at the People's Choice Awards ranked among the top of all red-carpet appearances this year in inspiring viewers to "click through" to retail sites.

One lesson: It isn't pure chic that moves clothes. "For the most part, celebrities that drive sales aren't necessarily the ones that get nominated" for awards, says Lily Hollander, editorial director of StyleSpot.com. The 45-year-old Ms. Bullock has a down-to-earth image that means millions of women relate to her.

By contrast, with her Best Actress Oscar nomination for "An Education" this week, Carey Mulligan has dozens of fashion designers vying to lend her baubles and gowns for the Oscars. The young actress with the pixie haircut is known as a sophisticated dresser. "Carey Mulligan will be the most watched on Vogue.com," says Hamish Bowles, Vogue's European editor at large, recalling a sparkling Prada dress the actress wore recently.

But despite Ms. Mulligan's fashion credibility, she may not be the savviest choice for product placement. At StyleSpot.com, Ms. Mulligan is not one of the stars who moves the most viewers to buy clothes. Ms. Mulligan wasn't available to comment.

Celebrity placement is more voodoo than science, but among this year's nominees, other Oscar sales influencers may include plus-sized Gabourey Sidibe and the classic Meryl Streep. Ms. Sidibe, the star of "Precious," is "an alternate paradigm for the red carpet, but she can carry these very strong colors," says Mr. Bowles. What's more, the plus-sized market is one of fashion's fastest growing.

Gabourey Sidibe, nominated for best actress for her work in 'Precious,' at the Critics' Choice Awards.

And Ms. Streep's maturity and demure style choices may appeal to women over 40, who spend more on fashion than other demographic groups.

Among top StyleSpot.com sellers who aren't current Oscar nominees, Kate Hudson and Drew Barrymore are in a sweet spot— fashionable, and young enough to inspire Internet shoppers, yet not so young that they're attracting teens or college-aged women, who don't have a lot of money for clothes.

A number of sites track what celebrities wear so that viewers can copy the styles. But red-carpet photos are at the heart of StyleSpot's strategy. The site, which launched last year, links celebrity red-carpet photos to online retail stores from Neiman Marcus and Barneys to Amazon.com. StyleSpot's database compiles images from red-carpet events and organizes them by star, event, and designer brand. The site, which estimates its unique monthly audience at around 10 million people, earns revenue as a percentage of sales when consumers click on a photo and purchase the related item.

Red carpets have become a primary marketing channel for fashion. The Academy Award nominees' photos will be plastered from Boise to Bombay after the March 7 awards show, which will be watched by something north of 35 million television viewers—and seen on a gazillion blogs. It's an irresistible advertising medium. In Los Angeles, designers employ VIP handlers, who work to get the designers' clothes on celebrities who might be photographed in them.

The fashion industry does this because it works. After Sienna Miller wore Thakoon's spring bustier jumper to the premiere of the fashion documentary "The September Issue," every store that bought the piece sold out, says a spokeswoman for designer Thakoon Panichgul.

Yet success, for a designer, is a delicate balance of star power and timing. After Jessica Alba presented an award at the People's Choice awards last month, her Burberry Prorsum knotted platform sandals generated the most click-throughs to retail sites of any red-carpet appearance this season on StyleSpot.

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Burberry Check Print T-Strap Patent Leather Espadrille - Nordstrom

Burberry Check Print T-Strap Patent Leather Espadrille Muted check print patterns a buckled strap at the base of a chic espadrille sandal crafted from glossy metallic leather. Adjustable strap with buckle closure. Approx. heel height: 3" with 3/4" platform. PVC and leather upper/leather lining and sole. Imported. Salon Shoes.  Color: Dark Nickel.

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Unfortunately for Burberry, those spring-season shoes won't be available in stores for another month. So shoppers had to settle for similar looks offered on the site by Robert Clergerie and Callisto.

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Callisto Knotted Wedge Sandal - Nordstrom

Callisto Knotted Wedge Sandal Knotted straps cut from supple nappa leather fashion a comfortable wedge-heeled sandal. Padded footbed. Approx. heel height: 3" with 1" platform. Leather upper/synthetic lining/polyurethane sole. By Callisto; imported. BP. Shoes.  Colors: Black and Pewter.

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Callisto Women's Grande Sandal - Shop Endless.com

Callisto Women's Grande Sandal Callisto's Grande sandal was made to show off. Its high, wedged platform will add flattering height to your silhouette and attitude to your stride, while its prettily wrapped leather upper gets attention.

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Of course, there are ancillary benefits. High-profile fashion publicist Karla Otto, who recently opened a Los Angeles VIP office, says any appearance by an A-List actress "sells product from clothing to accessories and, if the consumer can't afford the attire, they might buy the fragrance or the beauty products."

Brands' publicists fire off press releases the minute their star steps outside. During last Sunday's Grammy Awards, Emilio Pucci announced that singer/actress Fergie appeared in its blue strapless dress, while Judith Leiber announced she carried a Leiber clutch. Each time Fergie wore Missoni in Cannes last week, the brand shot out a release. "I hope that others will be influenced by her great personal style," said designer Angela Missoni in an email.

Nothing is too minor for mention. Stylist Mark Townsend announced that he set actress January Jones's hair in a French twist for the Golden Globes, blow drying her hair "with a round brush" and securing "it with about 10 bobby pins." He also named hair products and prices: Moroccanoil Treatment, $39 for 3.4 fl. oz.

Dressing Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway and Kyra Sedgwick in one-of-a-kind vintage gowns has rubbed off in sales of totally unrelated clothes, says Juliana Cairone, owner of the New York vintage boutique Rare. "They are not looking for the same item," she says, "they just want something from us."

Having jealously noted these benefits, menswear labels are starting to go after male artists. At last week's Grammy's, members of Kings of Leon appeared in Burberry and John Varvatos.

So who's the Oscars' Actor Most Likely to Sell Fashion—the guy with Ms. Bullock's combination of attractive looks and guy-next-door accessibility?

No, not Jeremy Renner, the sexy star of "The Hurt Locker." The street money's on Best Supporting Actor nominee Woody Harrelson.

Original Article - Wall Street Journal

Lindsay wanted to change the date of the Vienna Opera

Haha, Lindsay wanted to change the date of the Vienna Opera. Good luck, crackhead. Yeah, this guy really should have gone with Gaga. She would have killed it on a fake date. Speaking of Gaga, remember those Grammy parties? Well, somebody got the bright idea that Lindsay needs to start up her music career again - I guess in addition to all of the fictitious “work” she’s doing on her multiple television shows, films, and design projects. So, this music producer named Rodney Jerkins wants to pair up Lohan and… Lady Gaga. For the love of…

    Producer Rodney Jerkins seems to believe that Lindsay Lohan would be ideal to join Lady Gaga in the studio for a collaboration effort.

    Jerkins said, “I can pair them up. I would love it. I would love to see what could happen.”

    Either with or without Gaga, Jerkins believes Lohan can pull it off. He said, “If she stays focused, I think she has what it takes. I’ve talked to her, and I said, ‘You’ve got what it takes. I really believe in you.’”

    He obviously really thinks LiLo has something. He added, “I’ve seen a lot of people questioning actresses who have wanted to become pop stars, and they don’t have it. I believe she has it, something deep down. I’ve listened to her in the past, and I think there’s something there. It just needs to be pulled out.”

For 19 years, oddball Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner has paid for nights with beautiful B-list bombshells. He pays them about $150,000 and, in exchange, they sign autographs at one of his shopping malls and then accompany him to Austria’s premier social event, the Vienna Opera Ball.
The 77-year-old, four-times-divorced father of three gets a kick out of the attention — and sometimes outrage — that his buxom rent-a-dates stir up. Over the years, he has squired Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, actresses Sophia Loren, Raquel Welch and Andie MacDowell, and burlesque performer Dita Von Teese.
But none have been so demanding as this year’s date — Lindsay Lohan. Lohan, dubbed “the fallen Disney princess” by the Austrian media, accepted Lugner’s offer after his first choice, pneumatic British reality-TV star Jordan (a k a Katie Price), stole his thunder by announcing her selection to the tabloids before he could.
But Lohan had some issues.
“She wanted to change some of the dates,” Lugner told The Post. Alas, the ultraposh Opera Ball, started in 1936, “can’t be moved.”
Then Lohan, 23, refused to pick a gown ahead of time and will wait until just before the Feb. 11 ball to pick “a European gown.” Lugner won’t comment on whether he’s picking up the tab for that. Finally, her handlers called. No champagne. No open bar. No alcohol of any kind must be allowed within Lindsay’s sight.
“Her managers have told us to make sure that she doesn’t drink during her trip,” Lugner said. “We have made arrangements to pull all the liquor from the mini-bar in the hotel room where she’ll stay, and told room service they are not to deliver drinks to her.”
To make sure Lohan will be on her best behavior as 2,000 haute Viennese waltz the night away, “we will be drinking only mineral water that night to avoid any problems.”
Maybe Lugner should have gone with his other finalist, Lady Gaga. More rubber, less trouble.
As part of the shillings-but-no-schnapps deal, Lohan will attend a press conference with Lugner the day before the ball. She’ll also sign autographs for a few hours in his massive mall, known as Lugner City. She’ll go to the dance with Lugner, his current 20-year-old girlfriend, Anastasia Sokol, his 16-year-old daughter, Jacqueline, and the teen’s 25-year-old boyfriend, Helmut Werner.

http://hotcelebrityhollywood.blogspot.com/

“My daughter is the one who chose Lindsay, and she has picked for me in the last three years because she’s more in touch with who’s in the newspapers. Me, I’m a businessman, so I don’t know these things,” Lugner said.
Lugner, who reportedly once got his eyelids Botoxed so he could look more like George Clooney, is infamous in Austria for creating a media circus at the ball with his paid escorts — especially when his guest is willing to take a turn on the crowded dance floor during the celebrated “Alles Walzer.”
“Sometimes with my guest, dancing is impossible, because so many journalists want to talk to them,” the Austrian said. “I recall, though, that Faye Dunaway and Grace Jones were great dancers. I was able to dance with them.”
Von Teese, who accompanied Lugner in 2008, said Lohan should demand extra bodyguards.
“I was trampled in a mob scene by the press. It was very frightening and also unfortunate that I couldn’t actually enjoy the beauty of the music and the dancing,” Von Teese told The Post. “I’m quite good at these partner dances, and it made me sad that I wasn’t able to be on that beautiful dance floor.”